Here's what I know... If he stopped calling you over something little, then he wasn't yours anyway.

How many times have you obsessed over the littlest thing that you did in your relationship, thinking that your one small action was the reason for its demise?

Here's what I know...

(1) Guys don't break up with girls over little things.

(2) Once a guy decides he is attracted to you, he won't break up with you over something that only you notice- that one pimple which you get on a Tuesday or the fact that you wore a bra that didn't make your boobs look as big as they usually do.

(3) Guys don't pay attention to how many "xo's" you put at the end of your text message and he certainly won't break up with you over that.

(4) Guys read emails very quickly and they don't labor over every word you wrote and what you meant by them, the way girls do. Absent your writing something really awful, he is not going to break-up with you because of your LOL or because you had too many typos.

(5) It is natural to question the last little thing you did with a guy if he ends things with you and you are not sure why. However, to find out what really went wrong you need to dig deeper and look at the full picture and patterns of behaviour.

(6) When you are dating someone, it's more important to learn the things that would bother HIM, not obsess about the things that would bother you that don't even register on his "notice" meter. Ex: he won't notice if your smiley face in your text was a full smile or a wink, but he will notice if you need to have a "relationship conversation" by email during work hours when he is in his office!

Here's what I know... You should be able to "agree to disagree" if you want to be together.

Have you ever gotten into a situation with the person you are dating where you just cannot come to terms?

Here's what I know...

(1)Sometimes two people have opposing viewpoints on a subject and just cannot agree.

(2) If you care about someone, you should give them the space to have his or her own opinion and for you to have yours.

(3) Sometimes a disagreement can be healthy for a relationship as long as you can move by it.

(4) Two people will never agree on everything and this can add dimensionality to your relationship.

(5) If you have a disagreement and you cannot come to terms, you need to think about whether you can respect the other person's point of view although you don't agree w it.

(6) Perhaps you can learn something from your partner's differing viewpoint. Take a step back and try to understand how they are looking at things.

Here's what I know... You should be with someone who loves "the real you."

Have you ever wondered why you would put yourself in a circumstance where you are apologizing for just being you?

Here's what I know...

(1) You are pretty damn great. You need to find that person who understands that.

(2) You need to be with someone who loves all that you are and all that you are not. Marlene told me that and it's very important.

(3) If someone is questioning who you are, have you ever stopped and asked, who are they?

(4) If you are asking why you are compromising yourself, then you are in the wrong situation.

(5) If you constantly need to hide the real you, then you aren't in the right situation.

(6) If you know deep down that you are trying to fit a square peg in to a round hole, take a step back and don't do it. Do you real want to take all this time to pick someone, only to then get divorced?

Here's what I know... the "trolling the party" guy is not ready for a real relationship.

Did you ever wonder why a guy who says he wants to be in a relationship spends more time trolling parties than trying to work on having a relationship?

Here's what I know...

(1) You need to take time to be in a relationship and make it work.

(2) If you want to be in a relationship, you will be willing to give up a trolling night to be with a girl you like.

(3) If a guy is not willing to give up the trolling night, chances are, he is not into you enough to forego it.

(4) A guy might say that he trolls parties because he really wants to meet someone but there is a difference between hitting the occasional party and going to the opening of an envelope!

(5) Some guys troll for sport and because it's a game to them and others troll because they think it is a necessity. Either way, do you really want to be with that guy?

(6) You have been in situations before where when a guy is crazy about you, he drops everything and can't get enough of you. If the trolling guy can't do this, it's time for another guy.

Here's what I know... Sometimes friends cross the line with your boyfriend.

Have you ever watched in wonderment as one of your female friends crosses the line with the guy you are dating?

Here's what I know...

(1) You need to be honest with yourself and decide if you are an overly jealous and sensitive person or if it is obvious that your friend is crossing the line.

(2) It would be appropriate for your friend to say hello to him at a party and having a 2 to 5 minute conversation with him. It would be inappropriate for her to corner him for 30 minutes with her "come hither" eyes batting away.

(3) It would be appropriate for her to include him on a group email or an email to both of you. It would be inappropriate for her to email him directly and asking him a question about the two of you that she could have just as easily asked you directly.

(4) It would be appropriate for her to let him buy her a drink. It would be inappropriate for her to assume that she is "his second girlfriend" and that he will buy her dinner every time you all go out.

(5) If you do have a friend who is crossing the line in this area, you need to think about whether she is really your friend, your frenemy or just after your guy.

(6) If you think that your friend is crossing the line and you are not certain that she is doing it on purpose, have a conversation with her. She might learn something about proper behaviour and you might save a friendship.

Here's what I know.. there is a lid for every pot.

Do you ever feel like what you are looking for in a relationship is so much deeper than what most people can handle?

Here's what I know...

(1) You are not alone; many people feel like there are very few people who really understand them.

(2) There are people out there that want to have a very deep relationship, you just need to keep on the look out for them and not settle for someone who isn't of your caliber.

(3) It usually takes a person who has had some drama, loss or difficulties in their life to make someone want to have a deeper relationship. If you are dating Mr Happy Go Lucky, it is probably going to be difficult to get him to understand you.

(4) Not everyone is for everyone. You need to find who is right for you, not obsess over who isn't.

(5) You need to make room for the possibility that someone can catch up to you in desiring a deep relationship; you just need to give them the time and the space to try.

(6) You need to be open to understanding someone else's definition of a deep relationship and see if perhaps the two of you can find a happy medium.

Here's what I know... You need to marry "a man."

Have you ever thought to yourself that you just wish he could step up and be a man?

Here's what I know...

(1) Men mature more slowly than women do. This is a fact.

(2) Men don't really get "it" unless they haven't experienced "it" in quite the same way as you have.

(3) Men who have never real been in love, don't really understand what love is and you need to figure out how to teach them or the relationship is doomed.

(4) Flirting and game playing is fun and good foreplay, but in order to get into a real relationship there has to be more than that.

(5) Men who are very surface and do not even try to dig deeper are not for you. The man you are going to marry is going to get down and dirty with you.

(6) Men who can't handle real raw emotions and a little drama are not for you. You need a guy who will cry with you, want to listen to everything about you and want to really understand all there is to know.

Here's what I know... If you get invited, you go!

Do you sometimes feel like you would rather just sit home alone and watch TV, rather than be disappointed in a social setting yet again?

Here's what I know...

(1) My grandmother always told me that "if you get invited, you go because you never know who you are going to meet." These words are on the second page of my book, Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern-Day Matchmaker (Simon & Schuster) and are words to live by.

(2) If you think about it, each time you actually do leave the house, something does happen. You might not meet the man of your dreams or your wife but you might run into an old friend, make a new and interesting business contact, or just have a good laugh.

(3) If you do leave the house, make sure you do it with positive energy; otherwise you are sabotaging things before you even leave.

(4) Pick chatty, outgoing people with whom to surround yourself. These people are connectors, and they attract people in their direction; you will reap the benefits.

(5) Keep in mind that every day is different. The last four Friday nights might have been busts, but this does not necessarily mean that this Friday night will be.

(6)Let's say tonight is the night that you are going to meet "your" guy. How are you going to meet him if you don't leave the house?

(7) Get excited about the idea of possibilities. Unpredictability is what keeps life exciting!

Here's what I know... How to survive Valentine's Day

If you had to admit it, aren't you just a wee bit nervous about tonight?

Here's what I know...

(1) Plan to act surprised and excited; "act" being the operative word. Even if you know where you are going tonight because you snooped in his blackberry, feign surprise when you arrive there. And even if you have been to his restaurant choice 15 other times, pretend to be excited when you get there; after all this is the first time you are going there with him. He will be crestfallen if you act any other way.

(2) Keep how many cute gifts you schlep to the restaurant to a minimum. No sense looking like a tourist for christ sake. Plus keep in mind that it's only V-Day not his first Christmas!

(3) Dress sexy tonight; it is a dress or a skirt night, girls! Even if it snows, don that sexy dress, and let him see that you are putting forth the effort.

(4) Wear sexy lingerie or at very least matching bra and panties. You are going to get action tonight and just like you wouldn't want to end up joining the mile high club with unshaven legs, the same applies to lingerie of V-Day!

(5) You need to be prepared to "eww and ahhh" about his attempt at romance, no matter what. If you don't, he will never try again and certainly some effort is better than no effort!!

(6) Plan on being frisky. V-Day is the best foreplay so keep in mind that tonight is not the night to have a headache, skimp on the BJ or have to check on the kids.

To read more of Matchmaker in the Know blog, click here

Here's what I know... You need to "juggle" your women "well" on Valentine's Day

Are you one of those people who is dating more than one person right now and you are a bit panicked about how to handle Valentine's Day?

Here's what I know...

(1) Women love Valentine's Day, so you better figure out a way to "pay homage" to all your ladies this Saturday.

(2) You don't have to feel guilty about dating more than one person as long as you remember all of them on Valentine's Day.

(3) You either need to see a woman on Valentine's Day or send her something sweet. If you do nothing, you will surely end up in the doghouse.

(4) It's okay to have one woman who is your "A game" and who you want to see on Saturday night. Just make sure you cover your tracks so you don't wind up getting into trouble with all the others.

(5) Don't overdo it, out of guilt, i.e., don't write a lovey dovey card or send her 6 different presents just because you feel guilty that you told a little white lie about your plans on the big day. This will just lead her on for no reason.

(6) The women you are dating might be dating other guys as well. Hence, they actually might be fine with not having plans with you on Saturday night as long as you made a nice romantic gesture towards her in lieu of plans!

Here's what I know...People make "time" for those they are "into"

Right about now, people are revisiting the notion of what "he's just not that into you" means. because the movie is hitting the theatres this week.

So here's what I know...

(1)People make time for those they like, but time can come in many different forms.

(2)Before you write-off a guy or a girl because you are not getting the traditional "face to face, uninterrupted, I love you, kiss, kiss, kiss" time you want, take a real look at the time you are getting and try appreciating that time.

(3)Time might mean taking the time to write a sweet email as opposed to a one word "grunt" answer.

(4)Time might mean taking the time to explain why one needs to go MIA or why one isn't going to be available for the next several days, a week.

(5)Time might mean remembering something silly you said once in passing and then referencing it on the phone or in an email.

(6)Time might mean answering your call for 30 seconds during a business function.

(7)Time might mean remembering to make a Valentine's reservation in the midst of working 16 hour days because one is in the middle of losing one's biggest client or trying to avoid being one of the 10,000 people one's company is laying off.

Remember.... Whether or not "he's just not that into you" is never black and white!

Here's what I know...A guy won't email you back until he knows when he can see you next

Did you ever notice that if a guy doesn't know when he can see you next, he just doesn't answer your email at all???

Here's what I know...

(1)Most girls can answer part of an email- focus on a section and leave the other section until later, most guys cannot.

(2)Most girls think it's proper to answer an email in a timely fashion, if only to say that she doesn't have the answer to a question right now; most guys would never admit not having that answer, they will just wait to email back until they have the answer

(3)Most girls will actually write in an email that she isn't sure when she can get together and that will get back to the guy at a later time when she does know; most guys won't do that, they don't think there is any value in saying something this.

(4)Most guys don't see the value in idle chitchat with a girl that he just started to date until he has figured out in his head when he can see her next. Girls love idle chitchat.

(5)Most guys don't realize that a girl will determine with 10 of her girlfriends that if a guy doesn't email back right away, he is no longer interested. Most guys refrain from getting their guy friends opinions especially about emails.

(6)Most guys don't realize that a girl will "kind of" not make plans for the weekend until she knows whether there is any remote possibility that she can see the guy she likes. Many times she will even end up plan-less for the whole weekend because she was waiting. She shouldn't be waiting, but she always does!

(7)Most girls would like guys to realize all of the above or at least try to realize!

Here's what I know...Women and the Super Bowl

Did you ever notice that a girlwill forego watching the Super Bowl if there is a cute guy in the room?

Here's what I know...

(1)No matter what, girls care more about boys than they do about football.

(2)Girls go to Super Bowl parties to meet boys even if they claim that they love the sport.

(3)Girls pick Super Bowl outfits that are just casual enough with a hint of sexy. This choosing process takes a long time and the women walk a fine line here... a short skirt, high boots and a sexy top just doesn't cut it at a Super Bowl party, but a short shirt, high boots and a "Go Cardinals" t-shirt might!

(4)Girls spend more time thinking about where they are going to watch the Super Bowl than a guys does even though chances are, she has no intention of watching the game!

(5)Girls like to organize the "box game" even though they have no idea how it really works. This is a great excuse to meet every guy in the room!

(6)Girls love to bet the game, but not for money, usually for some "flirtation" prize like a massage or cocktails with the "man of the hour"!

Here's what I know...You won't get over your ex until you find someone new

Did you ever notice that you are never get over the last guy, until you find the next guy?

Here's what I know...

(1) As much as you think you can stay in touch with the Ex while you are looking for the "next" you can't.

(2) As much as you think you need your ex's friendship to survive, you don't. You need to find a new friend or you will never find a new guy.

(3) As much as you think you can date your ex casually and date other guys at the same time, you can't. You won't be giving those other guys a fair chance, you just won't be.

(4) As much as you think you will be better off mentally if you keep having sex with your ex while you are starting to date, you won't be. And no, this won't keep you from being sleazy or from sleeping with a new guy too quickly. You can rationalize whatever you want, but sex with the ex, is only that, sex with the ex.

(5) Yes, you will get over the ex eventually but first you need to get rid of him so you can meet someone else. Then you can take him back, but as a friend, on your own terms.

Here's what I know...Bad party pick-up etiquette

I couldn't help but observe some god-awful "party pick-up etiquette." God awful...


So here's what I know...

(1) If... you are standing right next to a girl for more than 5 minutes and she doesn't give you a smile, or a look, let alone a glance in your direction, she is either fully not interested in talking to you or super immature and playing the high school game. (And if you are 40 plus, you should not be interested in playing that high school game back!)

(2)If... you know you are a pretty damn good story teller, and you are telling a pretty damn good story, and the girl you are trying to pick-up is blackberrying the whole time you are speaking, she is either fully not interested or again, super high school immature. And again, you should move on!

(3)If... your only way of getting a girl to stick around to talk to you is by buying her a drink and you know that as soon as that drink comes, she is going to "have to" go to the bathroom, don't waste your money- times are tough these days. And if you do buy the drink anyway and she does walk away immediately, accept that you were a sucker and try not to let it happen again!

"Sup"?!

Just a thought... If you had to guess whether or not a 30-something single girl would want a guy who she just started dating and hadn't heard from in several days to text her at 11 o clock at night and just write one word to her, "Sup", what would you guess??

I mean what the hell does"Sup" mean anyway? Does this guy think he is some hip-hop, gangster guy and he is trying to say "What's up" not just as "Whassup?" but now even cooler?

Hello... how about considering your audience- a 30-something single girl, living on the upper east side, who wears Jimmy Choos and DVF-does he really think that this girl would relate to, appreciate or understand the word "Sup"?! Especially at 11pm at night, especially when she was hoping for a litle more encouragement!

What is he stuck in a 50 cent video?

Ever heard of... "Hey, how are you?" Ever heard of plain old "Hi." Girls aren't so picky these days; they just wants words they can find in Websters. Remember Websters?

Hmmm... just a thought.

A thought... The lone guy in the corner

I went to a party last night; it was one of those "fashion" parties at the Brooks Brothers store on 44th St. It was sponsored by Town and Country magazine and was for Ovarian cancer research. Beautiful party, such a pretty store, good food, but somehow they forgot to invite men. In terms of the ratio of women to men, without exaggeration, probably 90 women to every 1 man; typical of these fashion parties.

And the irony of all ironies, I noticed this one guy, very handsome and well dressed, no ring and no apparent affectation, sitting on a chair, in the corner, reading the Town and Country magazine, ALONE, even with his odds stacked SO high for meeting a woman. He literally was just sitting alone. My first thought- he's gay; it would make sense considering that he was so well dressed and at a party with almost all women. My second thought, he's in a relationship/married and his girlfriend is mingling and he is sitting waiting for her, sort of like a man does when he's dragged shoe shopping at Barneys on the weekend. My third thought- maybe he's available and overwhelmed by all the ladies.

So... this made me wonder... do men actually get intimidated when they are surrounded by SO many women??? I always thought that men are like kids in the candy store and they want so many women to choose from- but is there a time or a number when so many is too many? For example, if a man had 5 to choose from, could he handle that, but 97, would that just be too many???

And then, what about the women- if they are at a party of this sort with very few men, do they just write off their chances of meeting a man that night? Or could it be that meeting that one hot guy might even be easier in a circumstance like last night- where he was alone and available for the taking???

Yet given this backdrop, lonely boy (to coin Gossip girl) was still all alone; he didn't approach and no one approached him. It was a crazy notion, especially because he was really handsome. So... I did what any self respecting matchmaker and sociable person could possibly do... I approached him.

Sure enough- fully single, not gay, double Ivy educated, good job, philanthropic, runs the marathon and most importantly, so happy to have been approached.

Moral of the story... just say hi to the lone guy in the corner... you never know!